I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize