Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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