Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
