he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
