apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have already put on my inside pants.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
