You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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