In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
