Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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