I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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