good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
