I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
