did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
