Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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