Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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