how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
