haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
