you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
