I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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