You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
