About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
