I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
50% drunk capacity currently
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
