just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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