i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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