How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
