No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
