yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
