u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
