Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
