dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
