That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
