I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You ate ashes out of my bong
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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