the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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