goodnight i made you a song goodbye
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
