so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
