Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I want to be your penis for a week.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
