guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
