oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
