You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize