Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
