my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
