I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
