I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
