he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
