I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
