i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
