Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What a dumb baby whore.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
