dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
