I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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