and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
