so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize