One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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