The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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