the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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