It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You are a genius and a whore.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
