just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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