Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
