I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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