The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
