Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
