I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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