just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
