I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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