guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
