I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
