I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
