You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
